Berryman and I

Although the message and intent within each of the individual dream songs of John Berryman was often hard to unravel, the general intent seems clear--or at least one significant intent. That seems to me to be the need to make sense of the world, in part to keep the world at bay, to have something with which to endure the feeling of being crushed by the world.

Like Berryman, I endured significant depression, although I fared better in the end than Berryman (at least so far). I definitely trust counselors and non-toxic ways of dealing with depression more than Berryman. Or so it seems from what I know of him.

In any case, some of these were slow heavy reading. I had to read many of them aloud so as not to get lost in associative rumination that might recall darker days, so as to jar myself away from overthinking about what they say toward the resonance of the language, the beauty/ugliness of the images... For example, when I look at 46: "I am, outside. Incredible panic rules. People are blowing and beating each other without mercy ... the worse anyone feels, the worse treated he is..."

This really captures the lost, constricted, negative, pessimistic mind state I have known when depressed. Although Berryman does not necessarily identify himself with Henry, I know that he experienced something like what I mean.

Although Berryman may grant his Henry a hidden order or hidden coherence, the seeming lack of coherence in many places throughout the Dreamsongs definitely fits the incoherent thinking, negative regard, falling apart feel of serious depression.

I appreciate the humor of lines like from 49: "Old Pussy-cat if he won't eat, he don't feel good into his tum', old Pussy-cat." Here the choice of words creates the humor, but the underlying message is sad. Often clever humor is not potent enough to disperse the toxic mind.

Although the 77 Dream Songs of Berryman prove difficult and indigestible in more ways than one, I would find in fruitful to go back and rewrestle with them. Not the steady march of six lines per stanzas but the meanings and memories and the discord and disorder. All the same, I need some balm after reading, such as music or meditation...